The Psychology of Going Through a Hurricane

When I was in the USCG, I went to school to become a Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) Specialist so I could help debrief crewmembers and pilots that had a particularly stressful search and rescue case and help them deal with the different stages of grief.

Little did I know that this training would serve me both personally and professionally down the road as I encountered many hurricanes and natural disasters, long after my USCG career ended.

I learned that the 7 stages of grief not only happen for most of us when dealing with critical stress, but they need to happen for us to be able to move on. My job was to help people go through these stages, not avoid them.

These are not in a particular order, although shock is usually the first stage. Some people deal with grief differently, but most people will go through all of these stages, whether dealing with a hurricane, a divorce, a death, a car wreck, or other, usually unexpected stress.

1. Shock: I talked about people in shock, walking around like zombies after the hurricane had passed and they could go outside and see the aftermath. Some of my friends experienced this same shock when seeing photos and videos from home.

People seem unemotional and “numb” and it is because they are in shock.

2. Denial: Immediately after shock, often a sense of denial sets in. You can’t process what just happened and often it doesn’t seem real. You feel like you are in “a fog”. It is difficult to make decisions, I kept forgetting simple things like walking my dog, grabbing my phone when I went out, and even locking my doors to my car or house.

3. Anger: This is an important step and necessary to get through these stages of grief. Anger comes easy to some who think “Why me?” and “Why did this have to happen” while shaking a fist at the sky, complaining to someone that cannot help them nor answer them.

People are also quick to anger other people for not helping enough or dealing with the aftermath differently than them. It’s like you are on edge and can be set off easily. This is normal, but you need to realize this, or you could cause damage to friendships and relationships by taking out the anger on the wrong person.

4. Bargaining: This is a stage where you might turn to a higher power or some invisible force to ask the universe how to make things right. You will often replay the moments leading up to the hurricane and the hours during, trying to figure out if you did everything right. What could you have done better to change the outcome?

There is a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. If only I could have done this. And lot’s of “what if’s” that can leave one mired in guilt. This is a stage that must be processed but you need to move on from it because you cannot go back and change history. You must learn to accept what happened so you can move forward.

5. Depression: This is one of the hardest phases to deal with and process. The magnitude and suffering can seem too much to bear. You start to think that there is no way out and therefore you go inside and you can spiral into depression which can be debilitating.

Isolation, anxiety, and a feeling of dread will keep people locked up inside their homes when it is better to be out, meeting people, and hearing stories of success and progress. Strong bonds and friendships can develop as an answer to depression, but if you feel like you cannot shake these feelings, it is important to ask for help.

Reach out to friends or better yet, a mental health care practitioner, and tell them how you are feeling. If you are the friend that is listening, be a good listener, sometimes, they just need to tell their story and have someone listen.

6. Acceptance & Hope: Acceptance will finally come once you realize that this was bigger than just you. That you alone could not change the outcome.

Getting out and seeing the work being done. Seeing progress. Getting cell service, power, and seeing the roads cleared will all inspire hope.

Sometimes, immediately after a hurricane, we are all in a little bubble. We don’t see the progress, because we only see our small little piece of the community and we need to get out, take a drive, and go to the next town with power, so we can see the progress. This is how we find hope in the middle of a disaster.

I saw friends post that the government wasn’t doing anything, but they were on foot, and only walked a block or two from their homes. I was driving back and forth between many different towns and I saw hundreds of Marines, Guardia Nationals, and Police. I saw Mayors and Municipality Presidents directing teams of government workers to clear streets and help people.

Sometimes we need a larger perspective in order to gain acceptance and hope.

7. Processing Grief: While not really a stage, how you process grief will determine how long it will take for you to get through the first 6 stages of grief. We all process things differently and it is unfair to expect or require others to be like you. Allow yourself to be patient with yourself and try to show this same patience with others.

Something that will help is to be around others. Keep yourself busy, especially if that means going out and helping others. Breathing exercises and meditation can be exceptionally helpful during times of stress.

Sleep is VERY important but difficult right after a critical stress incident. Give yourself time to have a full night’s sleep, and try to make your bedroom as comfortable and tranquil as possible (something that can be challenging with no power, no windows, and when everything is wet).

Set small goals at first. You cannot do everything in one day and you cannot work 18 hours a day clearing roads and using chainsaws, especially in the heat. You need to include breaks, rest, and self-care.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

And finally, ask for some help. There are friends that will listen and in today’s world, there are a lot of great online mental health options like Better Health and Regain that will allow you to reach a mental health professional over a video call from anywhere in the world. I subscribe to one of these and I pay $65 a week but it is worth much more to my own mental health.

Going through a hurricane is a traumatic experience, but the aftermath can be just as traumatic. Look at yourself and consider your emotions over the past week and know that most of those feelings are normal and that it is OK to have them.

You are not alone. You are not the only one experiencing them. We have all cried (many of us a lot) over the past week and we will cry some more before this is over. But you are alive and the community is coming together. There are many beautiful stories out there and I have a lot of hope.

Fond your acceptance and hope and you will find a way through this.