How to Stay True to Yourself During the Holidays
If you’re going to be around the family this holiday season and you’re feeling that twinge of anxiety, first and foremost, BREATHE. It’s going to be ok because YOU are an amazing badass who knows exactly who you are and the value you hold. Some families just aren’t accepting of certain things, yet we make the effort to spend this very special time of year with them just to leave feeling like crap about ourselves. Not this year!
I truly understand what it’s like to have people in your family who just don’t get you, who like to tease and taunt, and then act like you’re being dramatic if you defend yourself. This year, we’re taking our power back and staying true to ourselves, and putting ourselves first. Here are a few tips on how to deal with difficult family/friends during the holidays and not allow this time of year to rob us of our identities.
Don’t Give In To Family Drama
When the family starts to bicker, judge, question, demand, or ignore, remember who you are. Remember that you have a whole life outside of them and they do not dictate your day-to-day life. I deal with this sometimes in my family; I get judged for still being single, for working too much, for not having kids, or for working in an alternative industry, and when the questions start pouring in and I can feel myself sinking into their judgment, I grab my phone and I just start looking at my photos from the year. I look at pics of me having fun with my friends, pics of me at Naughty N’awlins dressed up all sexy and being fabulous, I look at videos of good times, and maybe even funny text messages from friends that make me smile, and honestly, it helps me get centered and familiarized with who I am again. Maybe you have a safe word or a phrase that you can share with your partner that tells them “it’s time to go.” Or if it’s just you and you’re stuck in Family-ville for the time being, maybe have an affirmation you say to yourself to self-soothe. “I am awesome and loved by those who matter,” is one you can use.
Don’t Spend Money You Don’t Have
We love playing Santa or Big Spender during the holidays. It just feels good to see your loved one open the gift you got for them and react with excitement and glee. It’s nice to feel appreciated and it’s nice to feel like you made a difference. But lemme stop you right there because I’m about to burst your bubble—that is all about YOUR ego. That’s all about reaffirming yourself and making you feel good. I’m not talking about the thoughtful gifts you give to your kids or elderly family members. I’m talking about going out of your way to spend a bunch of money on something you know you really can’t afford for someone you’re just trying to impress. Please don’t. Not only does that burn a hole in your wallet, but it also burns a hole in your spirit, because if you’re doing that, it’s likely that you’re trying to gain the affection of someone who doesn’t appreciate you, to begin with, so it’s not going to matter if you get them that $500 pair of shoes because after that “gratitude” wears off, they’re probably going to go back to not appreciating you simply just for being you. And you deserve better than that.
Say No When You Actually Want to Say No
We tend to turn into “Yes People” during the holidays and often that leads to some regretful decisions. This season, practice saying no when you truly do not want to do something that you know doesn’t serve your higher good. No, I don’t want to hang out with that cousin who seems to always drag me into trouble. No, I don’t want to go to that church that makes me feel like crap. No, I won’t sit here and listen to my bigot Uncle tell me what’s right and wrong. No. It’s hard, and you’re going to disappoint people, but you know what? You’re going to disappoint the most important person if you end up saying yes to things your soul is telling you to say no to—YOU. So, protect your energy and choose wisely.
Don’t Fall Off Your Healthy Patterns
If you’ve been working to reach some kind of goal this year and have done a pretty good job at it, don’t let the holidays tempt you into breaking that pattern. If you’ve been working hard to lose weight, quit smoking or drinking, save money, read more, drink more water, or whatever it is you’re working on, really try hard to stay on track this holiday season. Gift yourself with discipline. You’re an adult, you don’t have to do what they tell you to. Take the advice above and kindly say “no” if what you’re being offered doesn’t align with the healthy habit you’re trying to develop. You’ll thank yourself later when you don’t have to start all over again.
Beware of Old Flames
This is not a Hallmark film. This is real life. That little Hometown Honey that you dated back in 2005 who always likes your Facebook posts and still hangs out with the same people you knew in high school, yeah, not for you. It’s fine to reconnect and catch up, or even reminisce a little bit, but don’t go making major life choices based on nostalgia. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are now, are you really going to uproot your whole life to be with someone who never truly left the past? Enjoy the sex, but really think about it.
Walk Away If You Need To
When all else fails, it’s ok to walk away. It’s your holiday season too. You don’t deserve to feel berated, judged, made fun of, or any of those crappy feelings that can come from narrow minds. Sometimes reasoning and trying to get them to understand is just a waste of your time and energy. They don’t want to understand. They’ve waited all year for you to come home so that they can make themselves feel better by putting you down, and that’s a sad existence, but not your problem. If you feel like you just can’t stand being where you are, gift yourself the peace you deserve and walk away with dignity. It’s ok. I promise.
Happy Holidays! You are wonderful and we love you!
