DEPRESSION IS REAL, SUICIDE IS FOREVER.
While I have never suffered from depression, I have known many who do battle with this disease. It sometimes manifests once in a while, but some deal with PTSD and other forms of anxiety daily.
Many turn to alcohol, drugs or other destructive ways to make them feel better, but only end up making things worse. Some, that feel that their pain will never end, contemplate suicide. In my first 45 years, I never knew anyone to actually commit suicide, then in the matter of two years, three of my friends took their lives. One was my best friend.
I struggled to understand why someone would do this. I couldn’t stop from thinking what I could have done differently, how I could have prevented this. While never someone that personally felt depressed, I felt the deep pain from their loss and it was crippling.
I remember two weeks after my friend took his life, while still having a difficult time coping with his passing, Tess suggested going to a movie to take my mind off of things. Movies has always been a great way for the both of us to turn off our brains from work or other stressors and allow us to lose ourselves in the story. It has always been our favorite way to escape, if only for an hour or two.
After the movie, we were walking through the French Quarter of New Orleans and we were chatting about the movie we just saw, and for the first time in two weeks, my mind was on something other than my friend’s passing. Then I heard it… a street performer across the street played a familiar riff and I started to cry.
It hit me hard. All of a sudden. Tess looked at me and was very confused. “What’s the matter?” she said and I just pointed at the guitar player. Tess isn’t really into classic rock or Pink Floyd, so she did not recognize the song. I did.
As the man started to sing, he got to the part that said:
How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here
I stood nearby and wept. I really wished my friend was here.
When he finished, I walked over and dropped $5 into his guitar case. He thanked me and asked if I had a request. “Yes”, I said…”Can you play that song again?” Tess held my hand and as he was finishing the song, we walked on.
About a month later, we were in Las Vegas for a lifestyle event and I was walking through a casino when I heard the same beginning riff, and when I turned around I saw a guitar player smiling at me while playing Wish you were here. I looked at Tess and again, she said “What?” and I pointed to the guy who started singing and I said, “This damn song again”.
She hugged me and said that your friend was here. She told me that if he was still alive, he would be here with us in Las Vegas (which I knew was true). We sat and listened and then moved on.
The next time we heard the song was in Key West. And again in the car, on Pandora, on a classic rock playlist on Spotify. Over and over I heard this song. Maybe it was always there, but I simply didn’t notice it before. Maybe now, I am hyper-aware of this one song but it sure seemed like my friend was communicating with me. Telling me it was all right. He was still with me.
A year later, Tess and I were on one of our lifestyle cruise charters in Eastern Europe. The Danube river cruise was set to go from Budapest to Nuremberg, Germany and then we were going onto Prague with the group for a couple of days. It was an amazing cruise, one of my personal favorite charters.
On the 5th day, we took a bus from Austria, up into the mountains of the Czech Republic. We went to a small village called Cesky Krumlov, for an excursion. It is a three-hour drive from the capital city of Prague, and one of the oldest villages in the Czech Republic, located in the middle of a valley in southern Bohemia of the Blansko forest. Walt Disney had visited this little village and it was his inspiration for Pinocchio.
It was a truly beautiful little village and I was really enjoying walk with the group through town, when we came to a small bridge where a young man was playing Czech folk songs on his guitar. As we approached the bridge, he looked up and smiled at me and played the all familiar riff that starts out Wish you were here.
By now, Tess knew the song and she knew those beginning notes. She turned to me and said, “See, you know he would be here with us on this trip, and he is.”
Goosebumps covered my body. I mean, I get it, that some guy in New Orleans, or Las Vegas or Key West would know this song, but this guy in a remote village in the Czech Republic? A mutual friend of ours stopped with us and I told him the story. We all hugged and got lost in the moment. I told him about all of the other times and he was amazed.
Two months later, he took his life too.
I couldn’t believe it. All of those thoughts came rushing back: anger, disappointment, sadness, shock, denial, grief, guilt, and eventually acceptance and hope.
I am writing this blog because this past week, I heard two different people play Wish you were here in a remote town on the Mexican coast of Oaxaca. We are in a town called Zipolite, a town with Mexico’s only nude beach.
A place for open-minded people, a place my friends would have loved. They are here with me now. I feel them all around me. I miss them so much, but I have finally come to peace with their passing.
After dealing with three suicides I decided to get a semi-colon tattoo. A semicolon tattoo is a tattoo of the semicolon punctuation mark (;) used as a message of affirmation and solidarity against suicide, depression, addiction, and other mental health issues.
“A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you, and the sentence is your life,” explains Project Semicolon's website. After reading about this tattoo, I decided to get one and I put it on my wrist, so others would see it when they shook my hand. It gives me an opportunity to discuss suicide to friends and strangers alike. To encourage people to seek help and to be an ear to anyone that might be going through a difficult time.
This week I touched up my tattoo, which had faded during the past couple of years. It was my first tattoo and it may end up being my only tattoo.
If you are suffering from depression, there is hope. You can get through this and there are ways to cope.
What can you do about depression?
I am not an expert on depression, but I found this article on reaching out for support and here are some great ways to start:
Look for support from people who make you feel safe and cared for. The person you talk to doesn’t have to be able to fix you; they just need to be a good listener—someone who’ll listen attentively and compassionately without being distracted or judging you.
Make face-time a priority. Phone calls, social media, and texting are great ways to stay in touch, but they don’t replace good old-fashioned in-person quality time. The simple act of talking to someone face to face about how you feel can play a big role in relieving depression and keeping it away.
Try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it. Often when you’re depressed, it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell, but being around other people will make you feel less depressed.
Find ways to support others. It’s nice to receive support, but research shows you get an even bigger mood boost from providing support yourself. So find ways—both big and small—to help others: volunteer, be a listening ear for a friend, do something nice for somebody.
Care for a pet. While nothing can replace the human connection, pets can bring joy and companionship into your life and help you feel less isolated. Caring for a pet can also get you outside of yourself and give you a sense of being needed—both powerful antidotes to depression.
Join a support group for depression. Being with others dealing with depression can go a long way in reducing your sense of isolation. You can also encourage each other, give and receive advice on how to cope, and share your experiences.
You can read the full article at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm where they have a lot more tips and ways to help cope with depression.
You can always reach out to me at Bob@Naughty-Events.com and we can simply talk. Remember, you can always take a pause (semi-colon) without having to end your story. There is still a lot to see and learn for most of us.
Depression hotlines:
In the U.S.: Find DBSA Chapters/Support Groups or call the NAMI Helpline for support and referrals at 1-800-950-6264
UK: Find Depression support groups in-person and online or call the Mind Infoline at 0300 123 3393
Australia: Find Support Groups and regional resources or call the SANE Help Centre at 1800 18 7263
India: Call the Vandrevala Foundation Helpline (India) at 1860 2662 345 or 1800 2333 330
Canada: Call Mood Disorders Society of Canada at 519-824-5565
Suicide prevention help
In the U.S.: Call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
UK and Ireland: Call Samaritans UK at 116 123
Australia: Call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14
