Consent Policy and Procedures for Naughty Events

Introduction and Purpose

We strive to create an environment where like-minded individuals of all backgrounds and orientations can share their interests and exploration of kink and consensual non-monogamy. It is paramount to our group’s health that all activities between individuals are done with enthusiastic and ongoing consent.

We endeavor to create a safer community and event space. However, much like safer sex practices are not without risk, we acknowledge that no play or activity is without physical, mental, or emotional risks.

This document outlines how to make a report for consent incidents both inside and outside our group. We recognize that every consent incident is unique. While this policy sets the standards for our process for handling such incidents, there may be times when circumstances of a consent incident require a deviation from this standard. We will update this policy as we continue to evolve to better serve our community’s interests.

Naughty Events Consent Policy

“Consent” means a person’s willingness and ability to engage in a specific act. It is important to note that consent is the mutual creation of an agreement: aim for “YES!” not just the absence of “No.”

1. Do not touch anyone without their permission, and don’t base consent on what you’ve seen someone do with other people. This includes asking for permission even before you hug someone.

2. All activities must receive prior consent explicitly by verbal or written agreement rather than through gestures, body language, or past behavior.

3. Each participant is responsible for making sure everyone involved has the mental and emotional ability to give informed and voluntary consent. They cannot give consent if they are intoxicated to the point that they can’t drive or are slurring their words, or if they are under the influence of prescription drugs that prohibit driving.

4. If you experience or witness a consent incident, tell the staff immediately. Remember the motto “If you see something, say something”.
Please also report to the staff if you think someone may not be able to give consent. Violation of this consent policy may result in expulsion.

5. Negotiate the scope of your play prior to the activities, including whether there will be any contact with areas like the breasts, buttocks, and genitals. Each person must give verbal consent to the proposed acts before any playing or scenes begin.

6. Don’t re-negotiate in the middle of your scene unless it is to reject activities that were previously agreed to. A person who is in an altered state of mind of any kind, including play-induced headspace, may not be able to give informed consent.

7. Treat everyone as an equal, and only engage in verbal role play if you have permission. For example, don’t call someone by a pet name or use derogatory words like “slut” unless you’ve asked for permission.

8. The universal safewords are “STOP”, “RED” and “SAFEWORD.” Everyone is free to withdraw consent at any time during the activity. At the use of either of those words, the activity must end immediately.

9. Do not attempt to participate in an ongoing scene unless invited explicitly by all current participants.

10. If you plan to engage in play that may have the appearance of being non-consensual, inform the staff before the beginning of the scene.

11. Do not pressure, force, coerce, or manipulate someone into consenting to anything.

12. No one is exempt from the rules, including staff members.

 13. Do not do anything likely to result in serious bodily injury or go beyond a participant’s expectations, even where the participant gave consent.

14. Don’t “out” anyone as kinky, non-monogamous, or any form of alt-sex to their family, friends, co-workers, or anyone outside of the alt community. Don’t use someone’s first/last name in person or online with others unless they give you specific permission to do so. Don’t share anyone’s Personally Identifiable Information (PII) in any form or format without their consent.

Disclaimer: Every reasonable effort will be made to enforce this policy, but this organization makes no representations or guarantees about its ability to do so, and all participants/attendees retain full, sole responsibility for their safety and the safety of others with whom they interact.

We will have the following onsite assets to ensure we have the safest spaces possible and give attendees several options when having to report any non-consensual activities. Our Naughty Staff members (in the purple shirts) will be able to put you in touch with each organization and introduce you to the person that will process reports of non-consent.

SaferSex.com

We have decided that it is best to have a neutral, third party process all consent violation reports to ensure there is no conflict of interest between Naughty Events and the reporter (the person reporting an incident).

SaferSex.com is an independent organization whose mission is to create awareness, educate, and de-stigmatize sex, sexuality, and sex positivity. Until that happens, sex can never truly be safer.

We will provide hotel rooms for their staff and unfettered access to all Naughty Events so they can monitor play spaces and respond to incidents and reported issues of non-consent with Safer Sex Advocates (SSA). They will also make sure we have at least one trained professional (Safer Sex Professional (SSP)) on-site to make recommendations for all consent issues.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

We are also working with NCSF to train our staff members on how to deal with consent issues, how to prevent issues from happening, how to preserve evidence, and how to report issues.

Many of our procedures were derived from NCSF policies and documents, edited to serve our purposes for consensual kink and non-monogamy events. We will use NCSF’s vast network of kink-aware professionals for follow-up and post-event counseling for any consent issue victims.

You can contact NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response for help for you or a friend at incident@ncsfreedom.org or 917-848-6544.

THE NETWORK/LA RED! (TNLR)

The Network/La Red is a survivor-led social justice organization working to end partner abuse in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, BDSM, polyamorous, and queer communities. Rooted in anti-oppression principles, our work is about creating a world where all people are free from oppression. They strengthen our communities through community organizing, education, and the provision of support services.

They can be reached at 800-832-1901 (www.tnlr.org), You can also contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673), or your local rape crisis hotline.

Onsite Kink Aware Counselors

At all of our larger Naughty Events, we will have Kink Aware professional counselors made up of sexologists, psychologists, and other professionals trained in dealing with people in trauma. They will be available free of charge to any attendees that report a consent violation and need someone to talk to.

SaferSex.com will be sponsoring these Safer Sex Professionals (SSP’s) who will be working with us to ensure we have qualified people in case anyone needs a professional to talk to.

Reporting a Consent Incident

We only take first-person reports and cannot act on hearsay or third-party reports. We don’t take anonymous reports.

To ensure a timely response, please use the following methods to report:

1. At events, you can ask any event volunteer to connect you to the designated staff or SaferSex.com Safer Sex Advocate (SSA) who can take reports.

2, We will have a Safer Sex hotline posted in play spaces that attendees can use to report issues as they happen.

3. Outside of events, you can contact SaferSex.com  by email to report any incidents not reported at our event. You will receive an acknowledgment within 72 hours. Please send your email here: SSA@SaferSex.com.

While this is not an exhaustive list, the following details should be included in a report:

• How would you prefer us to contact you?

• What name and pronouns do you prefer we use?

• What would you like to tell us about this consent incident?

• What does the person look like that you are reporting (the more details the better).

• Do you remember what you discussed before the incident about what you wanted to      
   do and your limits?

• What do you recall saying or doing when this incident happened?

• Were there any injuries?

• Are there any witnesses that you can identify?

• Was there a re-negotiation to add kink or sexual activities during a scene?

• Was your safeword used and ignored?

• Has this person done anything like this to you before or violated your consent?

• Can you tell me about any people who might have seen what happened?

• What would you like to happen next?

Please include any documents related to the incident or conversations in written form, screenshots, or images of the injury.

Reporting Process at a Naughty Event

1.     If the reporter is in crisis, we may refer them to an onsite kink-aware professional or a crisis hotline or advocacy organization for immediate care. At an event, if an attendee needs to call 911 or an ambulance, we will encourage them to do so and will wait until help arrives.

2. We will assign a trained SaferSex.com Safer Sex Advocate (SSA) to act as an Inquirer to gather the information to bring to the event leadership. The Inquirer will remain neutral throughout the process until the SaferSex.com Safer Sex Professional (SSP) can make a decision. The Inquirer will be unaffiliated with those involved, and a neutral party that has no financial incentives or business relations with the reporter or the reported.

3. The Inquirer will only talk to the reporter, the reported person, and anyone who witnessed the consent incident. If the reporter would like a friend/partner present while giving a report, they are there for support purposes only.

4. We won’t bring the reporter and reported person together to discuss the incident or attempt to perform a mediation or facilitate an apology.

5. We will reach out to those involved to individually hear their experience. We may request additional materials and have additional questions as we collect information.

6. We won’t give the report to the person who has been reported. If the reporter has been threatened with a defamation lawsuit or fears for their safety, we will maintain their confidentiality with the reported person. However, this means that it may be more difficult to gather information about the consent incident and make a decision.

7. We will consider what the reporter would like to happen, without making any guarantees, until a decision is made.

8. Naughty Events will accept the decision by the SaferSex.com Safer Sex Professional (SSP).

Temporary Steps During Information Gathering

Depending on the nature of the initial report, individuals may be temporarily asked to refrain from attending in-person or online while the information gathering process takes place. We recognize that this situation may be undesirable to those involved with a consent incident, but we may need to take this measure until a final decision can be reached.

What We Deal With:
After the information has been gathered, the SaferSex.com Safer Sex Professional (SSP) will review it. They will  make decisions about:

• Violations of our rules and Consent Policy at our events and online entities

• Behaviors outside of the group that could be in violation of criminal law

• Outing or threats of outing

• Reports of sanctions or bans by other groups with a similar consent culture

Reports that could be in violation of criminal law include:

Physical assault - Causing physical harm or unwanted physical contact with another person (especially when the other party is injured).

Sexual assault – Intentionally touching another person’s breasts, genitals, or buttocks without their consent, or coercing or physically forcing someone to engage in a sexual act.

Blackmail – Demanding payment or another benefit from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them.

Revenge Porn – Digital distribution of nude or sexually explicit photos and/or videos of a person without their consent, often in retaliation.

Stealthing – Removing a condom during a sexual act. While stealthing itself is not illegal, passing on an STI is illegal in many states.

Stalking – Following someone to their home or workplace without permission.

Harassment – Harassment is repeatedly attempting to communicate with someone after they’ve asked for no contact, or threatening someone or their family or friends.

Interpersonal disputes are typically not within the scope of our group; however, we do have the rule to enable members to request no-contact. If members under no contact are present together at our events, we ask you to not approach each other. We can refer people to professional mediation, community support services, and trauma or kink-aware counseling for issues such as:

• Emotional abuse

• Gaslighting

• Verbal abuse

• Humiliation

• Talking about bad experiences they had with someone

• Unpopular speech on social media

• Arguments about ideology or ideas

Evaluating Consent Incidents

While consent incidents are unique and varied, there is a common set of factors that will be consistently taken into account in every case when determining the most appropriate response. While this is not a complete list, it covers many important considerations:

• The severity of the non-consensual activity (unwanted hug vs. sexual assault, assault with injury)

• The nature and intention of the consent incident (accident, ignorance vs. manipulation, coercion)

• The response of the individual who crossed a boundary (accepting responsibility for their behavior, showing empathy for the reporter, desire to apologize vs. denial, deflection)

• Power differentials between involved individuals (leadership position, presenters, performers, owners vs. newbies, people who are traditionally marginalized)

• Multiple reports of consent incidents from unrelated people reporting the same person (indicating a pattern of bad behavior)

• Serial reports by one person against multiple people (indicating the consent reporting process may be being misused)

• Public documents like orders of protection, police reports, and sex offender registry

• Admissions of wrong-doing by the reported person

• Reports of sanctions or bans by other groups with a similar consent culture

• Willingness of the reported person to defer to the needs and wishes of the reporter

Sanctions

The SaferSex.com Safer Sex Professional (SSP) will decide on an outcome and pass on their decision to us. One or more of the following actions may be taken. (An individual who knowingly and intentionally creates a false report may also be subject to these actions.)

Warnings – Some people can violate consent or boundaries through inexperience, poor communication skills, or a misunderstanding of expectations. We will provide education about our Consent Policy and refer the individual to educational materials about consent. We expect members of our community who receive formal warnings to take them seriously and adjust their behavior moving forward.

Attendance Restrictions – If you violate any of our rules or Consent Policy or have repeated warnings, we may request that you refrain from attending our events or a subset of our events for a set amount of time.

Bans – We reserve the right to ban anyone who is not a good fit for our group. If an individual is barred from attending our events, they will also not be permitted to participate in our online groups and discussions, and vice versa.

Consent Incidents Involving Volunteers

We hold our volunteers, presenters, and organizers to a higher standard of conduct, so we encourage you to feel comfortable reporting any problematic behavior. In addition to the above, issues involving those in positions of trust may require additional immediate steps:

• Volunteers involved in a consent incident may be removed from their role at events or barred from further volunteering until a decision is made.

• Presenters and other educators involved in a consent incident may have their classes canceled or postponed until a decision is made.

• Naughty Events Staff involved in a consent incident will be temporarily suspended while the reports are taken and until such time as the consent incident can be evaluated by the rest of the SaferSex.com Board and a decision is made.

Notification of a Decision

When the organizers have reached a decision in response to a consent incident report, the designated SaferSex.com Safer Sex Professional (SSP) who made the decision will notify those involved about the decision in the following order:

1. The Reporter. If they would like to engage further with the person they reported to get mediation or an apology, they will be referred to a professional to assist them.

2. The Reported person. They will be instructed to not reach out to the reporter or initiate contact at events or online (unless otherwise specified by the reporter), or additional sanctions may be applied. It’s up to the reporter to initiate any contact.

•  If it is a Warning or Restricted Attendance, and the reported person has demonstrated a willingness to change problematic behavior, we will state in general what changes that need to be made in order to attend our events.

•  If the person is Banned, they are told they are not a good fit for the group. We will provide no other information in order to protect the reporter, the group, and the membership from retaliation and liability.

3. Witnesses. We will request that witnesses maintain confidentiality about the consent incident unless the reporter permits them to speak about what they witnessed.

4. If an individual is banned, we may privately communicate our decision to organizers in our area. We will limit the disclosure to the general nature of the consent incident, and we will not disclose the identity of the reporter (unless the reporter requests it).

 5. In the event of a widely-discussed or witnessed consent incident that results in a ban, we may acknowledge the ban and say this person is not a good fit for the group. If the person is a volunteer or Naughty Events staff member, a brief statement about them stepping back from their volunteer responsibilities may be made.

6. We will not discuss our decision with partners, friends, metamours, or other parties uninvolved with the consent incident. We don’t allow public discussions that name names or the specifics of consent incidents at our events or online entities due to the risk of additional harm and liability to the group, reporter, and any witnesses. Confidentiality is abiding for SaferSex.com Board members even after their term of service is over.

Closing and Summary

In publishing this Consent Policy and Procedures, we hope that everyone involved with our events understands what happens when someone reports a consent incident to us. We strive to foster the improvement of consent education with the goal of making instances where this policy must be relied upon few and far between, and we take consent incidents seriously in order to serve our goal of creating a safer community for everyone.

Previous
Previous

What does Consent look like? Stories and Examples

Next
Next

Safer Changes at Naughty