How the Swinger's Lifestyle Has Evolved

As a Newbie, it is a lot easier to find out more information than ever before about “swinging”. There are websites, books, tips, and guides easily found with a quick Google search. But it is also challenging because swinging has changed over the years and it is sometimes hard to find the correct information as sex-positive education has changed what is now acceptable in a post #metoo world and a world where consent is now more than just a buzzword, it is something every club, event, and resort must be proactive about or face being left behind.

 Sexual freedom in the US (and the world for that matter) has evolved over the past 40 years and for the better. It was just over forty years ago that the first rainbow flag was stitched together and in those forty years we have seen gay marriage legalized, and discrimination based on sexual orientation banned for federal employees, but it is still not a protected class.

While many strides have been made, there is still a lot of work to do.

“When I used to teach classes for ‘newbies’ [new couples venturing into this “lifestyle”], I used to tell people that it was ‘OK to reach out and touch someone, somewhere other than an erogenous zone,  in a group area to see if they were interested,’” recalls Bob, founder/CEO of Naughty Events. “We talked about watching body language, are they moving towards you or away from you, are they pulling their leg away or reaching out to touch you?”

“That is not acceptable anymore and times have changed,” says Bob.

There are no areas where someone should touch a stranger without consent. Trying to decipher body language is no longer acceptable anymore and instead, verbal consent should always be given before proceeding. Too many people have undergone unwanted sexual advances because they were uncomfortable or unable to say “No” and we do not want to see anyone put in a situation where they ever encounter unwanted sexual activity.

Newbies must now figure out how to navigate through an unknown world of non-monogamy while old information like described above is located next to more current and better information online. How do they know what to read? How do they know what to believe?

A simple tip is to look for books and guides that have been written more recently. Books that are over 10 years old are not recommended as times have changed in the past 10 years. A quick search online found many of the top results were published back in 2003 or before. But even recently published blogs and advice don’t make it correct or up to date.

 You’ll find some articles are nothing more than SPAM, created by content companies that are trying to increase links to commercial sites, especially swinging dating sites. This content is usually very bad, poorly written, and created with the intent of repeating certain “buzzwords” that will trigger web search engines to find the content and point to the commercial website. It isn’t really meant to educate.

You will find articles in GQ, Cosmopolitan, and other magazines that are not interested in educating you, they are interested in selling magazines, and apparently… sex sells.

So how do you find good content for educating new couples interested in non-monogamy? Well, we have put a short guide together for this newsletter and we are working on a longer guide, which will be out in a couple of months. 

In the meantime, here are a couple of links to websites that we recommend:

OpenLove101.com: This is my favorite website to send beginners. It has a lot of information and the link provided will bring up a search for articles directed at Newbies”. You can read a lot of articles, first-person testimonials, guides, and tips n this website.

A Beginner’s Guide to Swinging (Vice.com): This is actually one of the better online articles I have read. It has some great advice and I like the emphasis on going slow.

Yes- No- Maybe Activity: This is a great activity you and your partner can do together and it is referenced in the above Guide to Swinging. It will help you both get on the same page and know what each other is interested in.

What is Swinging? A Guide to Being In “The Lifestyle”: This is a decent article found on InStyle.com.

Swinging didn’t Go Away, It Just Has a New Name: This is a cute article and gives a nice perspective from a woman navigating her journey for sexual fulfillment.

The Ethical Slut: This book is not a guide on swinging, but it is an amazing book that can explain a lot behind why we have desires to be non-monogamous. It also is a great book for women especially, those who are wrestling with the idea of enjoying sexuality when society slut shames women while applauding promiscuous men.

This third edition is crucial, do not by earlier versions, because this one updates a lot of information and brings the original book (written 20 years earlier) up to modern times. It is also a great resource for those interested in poly relationships.

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships: This guide is written by one of my favorite authors, Tristan Taormino, who has a lot of great insights on communication techniques.