CURIOSITY KILLED THE FACADE
A gorgeous white horse with an insanely phallyic horn protruding from its head, a cheap apartment in a hip, thriving city, or perhaps someone that you just can't seem to catch—however you define "unicorn," I think we can all agree that it's something rare and beautiful.
In our lifestyle—and according to Urban Dictionary—a "unicorn" is a single female (usually with bi-sexual tendencies) who is down to hook up with other couples without any strings attached. I did not know this when I first came into the lifestyle—a unicorn to me was some glittery rainbow horse that chicks dressed up as for Mardi Gras. But as I navigated through the lifestyle and had my first "couples experience," my one partner said "Oh, so you're a unicorn," in a very matter-of-fact way. Sure....I'm a unicorn, I can go with that.
WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR
What I am really, is curious. I'm obsessed with learning about love, sex, emotions, attraction and the sustaining of it all. I've had a few heartbreaks in my life that left me crushed and wondering "how did they just stop loving me?" "How does a person go from being all about you to being a total stranger?" So I began researching and noticed that the healthiest relationships I knew of, were that of my lifestyle friends.
Their relationships were raw, honest, adventurous and I noticed a wild attraction between the two partners. They trusted each other, they knew how to communicate, they were above all, friends. That's what I want, THAT'S what I've been looking for! Before I entered the lifestyle community, I believed love was all about committing to each other, that you could ONLY be attracted to your partner and they should ONLY be attracted to you, that sex with anyone else was just cheating and never for a moment even considered that it could be healthy to introduce or at least discuss other options. The reality is: that's just simply not human nature.
WHAT I FOUND
Being curious enough to explore sex in the lifestyle and observing how couples in the community interact with each other, has freed me of this notion that love, attraction and sexual bonding can ONLY be between two people. It's made me realize that it's ok if your partner thinks other people are attractive and wants to explore them sexually, it's ok if I think someone else is attractive and want to explore them sexually, and it's even better if my partner and I can find that and explore it together!
My curiosity has opened my eyes, it's led me to discover this new honesty in relationships, it's helped me develop an open mindset and has freed me of this nuclear, all-American dream (aka lie) of what a relationship should be. I urge you to do the same thing; explore, be curious. If something interests you, research it. Even if it has nothing to do with sex or the lifestyle; cooking, learning a new language, learning to dance, play an instrument, growing a garden—explore and go into it with an open, accepting mind. I promise you, you won't regret it.
As of right now, I am single. But I do know this, my next partner, will know about this part of life and that person will accept and be excited about it. It's opened up a door that I don't think I want to close. I want that freedom, I want my partner to have that freedom, and I want us to love and respect each other so much that something like this doesn't hurt; it's fun, exciting, sexy and beneficial. My next relationship will be a "unicorn" of a relationship; beautiful, rare and oh-so special.
If you've been feeling curious about exploring new avenues in your relationship, my best advice to you is:
Go for it: explore the thing you've been wondering about—whatever that is!
Ask questions—be respectful, but ask questions, even if it might seem a little uncomfortable.
Be open-minded—you are going to be shocked. Just get that in your head now. It wouldn't be a learning experience if you didn't.
Get involved. Join that group, get the membership, participate in the discussion. You'll be amazed at the connections and knowledge you gain.
Interested in learning more about the lifestyle community? Become a Naughty Member.
