FINDING YOUR PATH DOWNRIVER
It’s been quite a month for us. Typically, we use “In Our Naughty Lives” (IONL) to share our journey, where we are, what we are doing and we share personal stories so that friends (and strangers) can keep up with our adventures. Well, this month has certainly been an adventure.
The quick highlights, in the past month since our last IONL blog, we have hosted our 23rd Naughty N’awlins, we had 740 last-minute cancelations, we went to Belize, we both finally got COVID, we returned to New Orleans only to have to evacuate from one of the strongest hurricanes to ever hit Louisiana and then we headed back to Mexico just in time to experience a 7.4 earthquake.
I’m ready for the world to stop moving, literally, for at least a little while.
Instead of going into all of those details (except we should mention that we are OK, we did not get very sick at all from COVID), I want to express a simple philosophy that we live by in the following analogy:
While this month is really a small sample of mine & Tess's life together, I have always felt like we have been going down a river, with unknown and unexpected circumstances affecting our path. Currents, rocks, eddies, waterfalls, each one taking us in another direction, to new and unexpected destinations.
I believe in fate. I believe we are exactly where we should be, but I also believe that we influence our own journey. I also believe that other people, experiences, and moments of time have shaped our path to bring us to this moment.
I try not to live in the past nor worry about the future. I strive to live in the now while planning for the future without spending too much time stressing over what could or might happen.
This comes easy for me and is more difficult for others (including Tess). Most people want to know what is going to happen. They want their paths mapped out so they know exactly where they are going and where they are going to end up. Most people do not like surprises or facing the unknown.
I like to think of us as leaves floating down this river called life and I am excited about where it may take us.
When we got over 700 last-minute cancellations, that was a big ass rock in the middle of our river, but we bounced off that rock and headed back downstream. Covid finally found us, and we got stuck for a minute (10 days of quarantine for us both in separate countries) in a submerged tree branch before finally being let go so we could continue downstream.
Because I initially tested positive and Tess tested negative, I had to quarantine in Belize, while Tess flew home to New Orleans. For 10 days, we floated separately, until we joined back together downstream in NOLA.
The hurricane was an unexpected hard left turn we didn’t see coming but we reacted quickly and got one of the last flights out of New Orleans before they closed the airport. After landing in Mexico, we got caught up in a violent eddy (the earthquake) that made us both dizzy for hours, even after the earthquake finally stopped. We went to a hotel and laid down, it was a quick stop on a sandy beach in the crook of this river we call life. After a brief night to center ourselves, we were once again, swept downstream hoping for calmer waters and fewer obstacles.
Hopefully, your lives are calmer than our last month and you have fewer obstacles to deal with, but how do you deal with life’s rocks, branches, and eddies? Do you bounce off and continue downstream? Do you try to fight the current and swim upstream? Do you take the time to simply enjoy the journey without worrying about every rock and branch? If you are so focused on the rock ahead, you will miss a lot of beautiful scenery along the way.
Non-monogamy is another obstacle that many of us have encountered along the way. Over the years, Tess and I have adjusted our marital styles while we navigated the tricky waters of non-monogamy.
Our relationship has lasted for 37 years, so we have seen a lot of obstacles and our journey has been amazing with a lot of great sunsets, rainbows, and a lot of fabulous other leaves (friends, family, and lovers) that we have encountered on our path downriver. And there have been a few rocks too…
You never really know where that path is going to lead you, and with the past year and a half of turbulent waters and an unprecedented global pandemic, more and more people are struggling on their personal journeys.
They are clinging to rocks while their partners continue downstream, they are too scared to let go and paralyzed by fear. Life can be scary. The unknown can be overwhelming, but you will never find peace clinging to a rock. You can only find happiness when you are floating down that river with an open heart and great expectations.
I have canoed down the same river year after year only to find the river to be different every time due to recent rains, development, decay, and other influences beyond our control. The journey is never the same twice.
Tess and I have been on a beautiful journey and I wouldn’t go back and change a thing (well, I might have avoided that earthquake if I could have).
I hope you too can embrace the unknown. I hope you can bounce off a rock or two and continue downstream. Life changes and so do our paths and this is not always a bad thing, it is a reflection of the times.
I have made plenty of mistakes and I have chosen the wrong path from time to time. I regret some of my decisions and I still bear guilt from others, all I know is that even with the good and the bad decisions I have made, I am proud of my life, thus far and I am optimistic about my future. Our (Tess & my) futures.
Where is your path taking you?
Bob & Tess
