WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE SEX POSITIVE?
It always baffles me how much sex we see in our everyday lives from TV and film to music, advertisements, and social media, yet when it comes to expressing our own personal sexuality, there are still tons of stigmas and taboos dancing around, judging us from every angle. In this day and age, some still choose to hide or subdue their sexuality due to the fear of being judged by friends, family, and peers. Enter sex-positivity.
It's a term that has been around for a while but seems to be trending more lately. By definition, it means "having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality." To me, it is so much more than that, it's a movement.
In essence, it sort of starts with tossing out the perceptions of what is and is not sexually "normal," and begins with a non-judgmental receptivity of the sexual styles and interpretations (or lack thereof) that feel genuine to each individual. From a very young age, most people are taught a very diluted (and I believe toxic) perception of sex. Sex education is often abstinence-based, generally geared toward heterosexual relations, and rarely provides the true information and knowledge needed for the real world. It's not until we make a mistake, hit adulthood, or have some type of experience that opens our eyes to the true world of sexual activity.
Being sex-positive isn't the same as being "kinky" or a "swinger" or "sex worker" or any other label society wants you to use, it means being open, mature, and inclusive in terms of your perception of sex. You can be vanilla in your personal preferences and still be sex-positive.
Sex-positive people understand the importance of safe sex for both themselves and their partners. Safe sex can include discussing sexual histories, using condoms, and being tested for sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) like HIV. It can also include emotional and psychological safety, such as supporting a partner with sexual dysfunction or one with a history of sexual abuse.
They accept others’ sexual practices, as long as the participants consent and feel safe, without moral judgment. This means accepting sexual behaviors that might be different from their own, such as having many partners, engaging in threesomes, or swapping marital partners. This also means accepting others’ sexual orientations and lifestyles without judgment.
Being sex-positive aims to take the shame out of your desires, wants and needs. It means to celebrate sex, own your body, and have pride in what you feel and desire. It means being considerate of your or your partner's past traumas (if any) and understanding how that affects your sexual energy. Sex-positivity says that we are no longer going to subdue our needs anymore.
It means being able to be fluid about your wants and needs as well. What may have worked for you in one period of your life, might no longer be serving you. It's the freedom to explore without any restrictions or shame. It’s essentially giving yourself permission to continuously rewrite your own sexual script, so long as it never disrupts the script of others.
We celebrate sex-positivity every year with Sexual Freedom Parade at Naughty N'awlins. It's not just a parade for those in open relationships. It's a celebration for all of those who express their sexuality openly and honestly no matter what. Embracing human sexuality is embracing diversity. In a world full of stigmas, taboos, and negativity, I choose to be sex-positive.
