THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF SUCCESSFUL FLIRTING
We often think that matching up with someone is all about luck, that it's a rare, spontaneous, unexplained thing that happens. But making a successful connection with another person is more about just being real, staying true to yourself, and being patient. Flirting is an art, it's a lesson in psychology and a consideration of other people and their needs. With Spring arriving, new Naughty Events coming up, and things just looking better overall in terms of meeting new people, we thought we'd give you some pointers on flirting so you can boost your luck on making successful, authentic connections. Here are some do's and don'ts to consider the next time you find yourself flirting and making first impressions.
Do Be Authentic
There's no need to "act" in any way whatsoever. Just be you. Don't lie about your occupation or how much money you make to try to impress someone. Just be honest about yourself, it will be better in the long run because if you make a connection with that person and you weren't honest or authentic about yourself from the start, it can come off as fake and untrustworthy.
Don't Overshare
You don't need to share your whole life story within the first hour of meeting someone. In fact, oversharing too much personal information can be a turnoff to some people, especially when that information is unsolicited. Just keep it light in the beginning and let that person earn the trust it takes to have access to your story. A little mystery is always sexy.
Do Show Interest
Interesting people are always interested. When you're just meeting someone, listen to what they are saying and reciprocate by asking them questions about themselves. People can sense if you're just tuning them out and waiting for your turn to talk again. Carry the conversation by asking supportive questions that get them to open up a little bit. Be early to give them compliments. Think about what attracted you to them and find the right words to express yourself. Be direct but at the same time tread cautiously.
Don't Act Desperate
This is huge. We know you're looking for love or for a hook-up, but if you throw yourself at someone and try to constantly sell yourself to them (figuratively), that immediately sends red flags. Come from a place of abundance, act as if you have plenty of options, and don't try to make a sales pitch about how great of a lover, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend you are. And if that person in the end just doesn't seem interested, take that for what it is and move along with dignity. No need to get upset or frustrated with that person if they aren't interested in pursuing something any further. If it's meant to happen, it will happen.
Do Ask for Consent and Honor it
In the lifestyle, there are many things we must have consent for: sex, sex with someone else's partner, kinky consent, and so on. We recommend getting to know someone's boundaries and rules pretty early on so there are no misunderstandings and issues when it comes to honoring and respecting that person. If that person has a partner, be sure to ask for consent from both of them in terms of continuing communication with them, having sex, and anything else that may happen later on down the road.
Don't Say 'Yes' to Something When You Really Mean 'No'
If you've gotten to a point with this person that you are talking about kissing, hooking up or anything physical at all, please be honest about what you are willing and unwilling to do. Don't say yes to something just to impress or spare that person's feelings, then later resent them for following through. Make it a clear yes or a clear no. And if you're in between and you aren't sure, take that as a "no for now" until you decide on what it is you truly want. Just keep the communication clear, no mixed signals, especially when it comes to sex.
Do Be Happy
Complaining about your life is not sexy. We all have stress, disappointments, and obstacles that we deal with throughout our lives, but when it comes to flirting you want to give off warm, positive energy. Talk about things you love, hobbies, and interests, tell them about your accomplishments and what truly makes you happy. People naturally light up when they talk about the things they love and that immediately makes you seem more attractive.
Don't Brag
In talking about what makes you happy though, don't get stuck bragging about your life either. This kind of goes back to "desperation," because if you're going on and on about your awesome, expensive car, how much money you make, how many lovers and suitors you have, and showing off superficial things like your clothes and accessories, it's going to come off as you are trying to sell yourself to this person which makes you seem desperate. You don't need validation from anyone. You're already amazing—we know because you're reading this right now. It's what's in that beautiful mind of yours and the quality of person you are that will attract the right people in your life.
Do Wear Something That Makes You Feel Great
Dress for success. If you know you're going to an event where you're bound to get your flirt on, dress in a way that makes you feel great about yourself. Just a little more dressed up than your everyday wear, dress as your best self and you will feel like your best self.
